Compatibility requirements at time of marriage

http://islamqa.org/hanafi/daruliftaa/8559

Could you please tell me what Islam says about the caste system, which we can find in India and also in Pakistan? (E.g. one’s zaat, if one is a Rajput or Jatt etc). Perhaps this isn’t so important to people today as it used to be, but many people still marry their kids within their own caste because of things like status etc. Isn’t this wrong?

ANSWER

In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,

Suitability and compatibility (kafa’a) is one of the most important things that need to be considered when looking for a spouse. One of the main ingredients for a prosperous and successful marriage is compatibility. This is the reason why Islam laid great emphasis on it.

The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) is reported to have said:

“When you find a suitable partner for a widow (non-married woman), then conduct the marriage without any delay.” (Sunan Tirmidhi, 1/206)

Not going into the fiqhi details with regards to suitability (kafa’a), one should remember that it is generally advised to look for a life partner who is compatible to you. He or she should have the same interests, aims, objectives and aspirations as you. When this is found in a certain person, then there should be no reason from abstaining from conducting the marriage.

With regards to the different casts and the tendency in many to marry within one’s own caste, if this is based purely on pride and vainglory, then it is certainly something that is not in line with the teachings of Islam. Many times it is observed that all the other factors (of which religious piety is of utmost importance) are neglected, and only the aspect of lineage is given importance. This is something that certainly needs to be changed.

It should be remarked here that all non-Arabs are considered a suitable match to each other (and for Arabs without a known and established lineage to one of the original Arab tribes, which is rare, as mentioned by Ibn Abidin) from a fiqhi aspect. It could be so that a boy/girl from a different background altogether is a suitable match, rather than your cousin brother or sister. Students of sacred knowledge have a lot in common and it would be advisable to marry a fellow student from a different caste rather than your first cousin who doesn’t even have a clue what you are studying.

Pride, boasting and vainglory based on ancestry, lineage and origin has clearly been condemned in Islam. Allah Most High Says:

“O mankind! We created you from a single (pair) of a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that you may know each other (not that you may despise each other). Verily the most honoured of you in the sight of Allah is (he who is) most righteous of you.” (Surah al-Hujurat, 13)

Allah Almighty also says:

“The believers are but a single brotherhood. So make peace and reconciliation between your two (contending) brothers.” (al-Hujurat, 10)

The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said:

“Verily Allah has removed from you the stupidity of the Jahiliyya and their boasting of their ancestors. Whether you are god-fearing believers or wretched sinners, you are the sons of Adam, and Adam was created from dust.” (Sunan Abu Dawud)

Therefore, basing the search for a suitable marriage partner purely on caste and family origin is certainly something that should be avoided. Parents and elders should be explained in a calm, polite and gentle manner along with complete respect and adab, that this is not something which Islam teaches. The first and primary consideration should be a person’s Deen.

And Allah Knows Best

[Mufti] Muhammad ibn Adam
Darul Iftaa
Leicester , UK

http://islamqa.org/hanafi/daruliftaa/8590

My respected elders have accused me of having a false understanding of marriage in Islam and say that my teaching is incorrect. Their belief is that Rasool Allah (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) encouraged marriage in the family before looking else where. Is there any basis for this?

ANSWER

In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,

The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) himself explained the criterion on which a life partner should be chosen.

Sayyiduna Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) reports that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said: “If one, whose Deen and good character pleases you, requests you for marriage, then accept his request, otherwise there will be great trial (fitna) and widespread destruction.” (Sunan Tirmidhi, 1/207)

In another Hadith, the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said: “A woman is married for four reasons, her wealth, lineage, status and Deen. So choose the one who is religious.” (Sahih al-Bukhari, 2/762)

Thus, the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) clearly mentioned that the criterion on which a marriage partner should be selected is a person’s Deen and good manners.

Suitability and compatibility (kafa’a) is also one of the important things that need to be considered when choosing a spouse. One of the main ingredients for a prosperous and successful marriage is compatibility. The greater the compatibility and more similar your goals and outlooks, the more likely is the prospect of a successful marriage.

The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) is reported to have said: “When you find a suitable partner for a widow (non-married woman, m), then conduct the marriage without any delay.” (Sunan Tirmidhi, 1/206)

The above is clear in determining that the most important aspect that needs to be considered when choosing a spouse is one’s religious inclination and manners. There is no mention of looking for a spouse in the family.

Compatibility is encouraged, but that does not necessarily mean looking for a spouse within the family. Many times, you may have so much in common with somebody from a total different background, whereas no chemistry is found between first cousins.

There are many examples where the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) and the Companions (Sahaba, Allah be pleased with them all) contracted marriages outside the family. Thus, to place exaggerated emphasis on marriages within the family based purely on pride of ancestry and lineage is something that Islam disapproves of.

And Allah Knows Best

[Mufti] Muhammad ibn Adam
Darul Iftaa
Leicester , UK